Reframing Comparision

“How can comparison fuel clean-motivation rather than self-destruction?”  

Today’s Tool: Reframing Comparison

As humans, and particularly within the gymnastics community, we love the tool of comparison. It helps us categorize information and comprehend similarities and differences. Comparison acknowledges growth and progress. And at it’s best, its a source for inspiration. Isn’t that why we default to it so often?

Unfortunately, (even with good intentions), comparison also produces less desirable results . . . negative self-talk, low self-esteem, jealousy, anger and feelings of lacking or scarcity!

Which brings us to today’s topic of exploration, “ How do we use comparison as clean-fuel for motivation rather than a source of self-destruction?”  

Are YOU in on this important conversation? Let’s stick to the three goals of all Bold Mindset Posts . . .

(1) Self-awareness without judgment.

Take a minute to explore some of the things your brain may compare on the regular. Really get curious. Remember we’re doing important work in this post . . . identifying if our comparison thoughts are fueling clean motivation or are they generating more of what we DON’T want? And in learning how to do this as parents and coaches, we gain tools to teach our athletes how to do the same. And to be most effective, we can’t rush the process. We must start with step 1 . . . self awareness.

Remember, the point is inventory NOT judgement. In fact judging your thoughts will make them less-available to you. We ALL have comparison thoughts and the goal in step one is to determine, ‘What comparison thoughts is MY brain is offering me?’. We’ll find out how our individual thoughts are effecting us in Step 2. Right now, awareness only.

You can learn more about self-awareness without judgment here.

Three common ways we compare with examples for each member of the athlete-triangle:

Comparing one item or person to another item or person

Coaches: How often do we compare our athletes? Examples of things we may be comparing include: Work-ethic, physical strengths, mental abilities, body types, rates of progress, placing, scores, attitudes, etc. Do you verbalize your comparisons to your athletes? What is your brain making those comparisons mean? In what other areas is your brain offering you comparisons? Do you compare yourself to your co-workers? How about rotation schedules, equipment, group-ratios, competition schedules, your achievements, your co-workers footwear in comparison to your own?

Parents: It seems our brains also love to compare athletes (usually one of them being our child). We may fall into the habit of comparing levels, scores, places, advancement rates, external recognition, coach-praise, etc. Maybe we also compare commitment, parenting styles and friendships. Be honest with yourself. What do you find yourself comparing within your experience as a gymnastics parent?

Parents on social media have even more sources of comparison with followers, sponsors, likes, monetary gain, products, comments, image quality and the list goes on. Which one shows up the most for you?

Athletes: I asked our over 60-member Optional Team what things they find themselves most often comparing. Their list included skills, scores, scholarships, social media, places, leotards, levels, likes, followers, bodies, abilities, groups, friends, and the list continues. You can gain a greater awareness of what your athletes are comparing just by asking.

Comparing to an Ideal or Future Goal

Coaches: Due to the nature of our job, we often dedicate a lot of thoughts to the comparison of our athletes and the code of points. We know that the code of points rewards a 180 degree split and notice our athlete is at 140 degrees. We also may compare athletes to our own arbitrary goals. Take a minute to explore what ideals or belief systems you compare your athletes against. ‘They should be able to climb the rope by level 4’, ‘They should have a kip by 2nd grade’, etc.

Parents: We too compare our children’s abilities to our ideals and belief systems. Maybe we think our child should take more turns. He should make less mistakes. She should want to do private lessons. Or she should be able to progress without private lessons. We think he should be a certain level because another gymnast that started at the same time as he did already is at that level. We also compare our children to what we think we would do. “If it were me, I’d . . . “. Which of the above shows up for you?

Athletes: Often times we hear athletes comparing themselves to a goal or future desire. There are a lot of should statements that show up here as well. If I want to be a college athlete I should be . . . etc.

Comparing to Former Self

Coaches: Sometimes we compare our present to our past. We compare our current abilities to our past abilities. Or we compare our current athletes to athletes we have coached in the past. We compare current results to past ones. What are you comparing to the past?

Parents: As parents we sometimes compare our child’s current placings and pace to the past. ‘In level 4 she won every event, now she doesn’t even place!’ Does your brain offer you a comparison of the now to the past?

Athletes: This year I have heard a lot of athletes comparing their current abilities to their past abilities. What have you heard?

If you really want to capitalize on this step, write your thoughts down. Which ones are blatantly comparison thoughts? Which one’s may be comparison thoughts in disguise. Which thoughts does your brain offer you most often? Which thoughts cause the greatest amount of emotion? Great work. Let’s move to step 2.

(2) Explore new ways to think, feel and take action in regards to comparison.

Learn the equation I find most helpful for this step HERE. This is where the answers to our above questions are offered. It may be lengthy, but I challenge you to commit to the next few paragraphs. I promise it will be worth it.

Let’s jump in by identifying a few components that are part of the comparison equation.

First, circumstances. CIRCUMSTANCES are things that exist outside of us. They are the bare-bone facts of a situation. The skill-level our athlete competes is a circumstance. Whether she fell off the beam or stayed on the beam between her mount and dismount is also a circumstance. The score flashed on the scoreboard? Circumstance. What your child’s teammate scored or an athlete from another team placed are both circumstances. We’ll discuss the power in identifying circumstances later on, but first one final truth about circumstances and perhaps the most important one . . . they are neutral (stay with me on this).

All circumstances are inherently neutral until we have a thought about that circumstance. It is our THOUGHT about what is happening that makes an event or situation have meaning. Rain can bring about two totally different emotions based on the thoughts one is having about the rain. If this concept is new to your brain, it may reject it. That’s okay. Put it on a shelf to ponder and explore later.

If your brain already accepts the notion that circumstances are neutral, it’s important to remember that just because circumstances are neutral, doesn’t mean we want to MAINTAIN neutrality about everything happening around us. That would be a very robotic, non-human way to experience life.

In fact, the ability to think and feel are our human-super power. The point is to be INTENTIONAL with what you believe and determine if your thoughts are driving you to show up as your best or desired self.

So the next component in our equation, following circumstances, is THOUGHT. Thoughts are how the sentences in our brain in response to our circumstances. In this post, the thoughts we are examining our those thoughts in which we compare. Thoughts about two or more circumstances in our life and our perceived relationship between the two. You’re ready for the most important fact about thoughts? They’re optional! Just because our brain offers us a thought, doesn’t make it true and doesn’t mean we have to keep it.

This is great news, because it empowers us to shift and change our thoughts in order to generate more serving emotions; the next component in our equation. Emotions, I’ll call them FEELINGS, are vibrations in our body; A chemical response to our THOUGHTS. You read that right. Our thoughts (the ones that we believe) determine how we feel. This less-known fact clarifies two important things: It is NOT the things that we are comparing that determine if we feel motivated or defeated. Rather it is the way we THINK about those things that determine how we feel. Sit with that.

So if thoughts

(3) Empower our athletes do the same.

So now that we know how to identify our thoughts, determine if they are serving us, and try on new ways of thinking, feeling and doing, it’s time to help our athletes do the same. Here are some great ways we can do that . . .

Let’s get the conversation started . . .

I challenge you to read the next few sections from your own point-of-view. How can YOU take this information and apply it to yourself first? How are you using comparison in your own life? Your communication? Your internal dialogue and value system.  Only after you have done that, then consider how to offer support to your athletes and their use of comparison

We use this learned skill of comparison in gymnastics more often than we are probably aware; fueling emotions, actions and beliefs. 

So let’s jump in by identifying a few components that are part of the comparison equation. 

First, circumstances. CIRCUMSTANCES are things that exist outside of us. They are the bare-bone facts of a situation. The skill-level our athlete competes is a circumstance. Whether she fell off the beam or stayed on the beam between her mount and dismount is also a circumstance. The score flashed on the scoreboard? Circumstance. What his teammate scored or an athlete from another team placed are both circumstances. We’ll discuss the power in identifying circumstances later on, but first one final truth about circumstances and perhaps the most important one . . . they are neutral.